win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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