Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
