my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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