I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We got so high we made milksteak
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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