At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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