The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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