After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
