Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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