I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
