I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize