dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
