Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Life is so much better after having sex.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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