woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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