I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
