I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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