You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize