But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
