I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He better not be in your backpack
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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