Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
