I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
