He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
