I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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