stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
