Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
