You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
