WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
