the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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