Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
