I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
