i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
