I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
