dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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