she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
