So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
