oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
