Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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