Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize