i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize