i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
