That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
