You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
