I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
