Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...

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(201): View more from New Jersey

zippers are such a cool invention

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(757): View more from Virginia

My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

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(208): View more from Idaho

On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10

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(620): View more from Kansas

We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.

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