How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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