I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
