My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
