Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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