I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
