I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
