i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
