I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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