i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
