I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
