Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
