Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
