eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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