I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you had me at cake vodka
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
