I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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