just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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