if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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