Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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