Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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