weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
