Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize