awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
