you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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