hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
