Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
