Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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