Fuck appropriateness.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
