batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
