what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
