her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
