These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
