I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
