I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it because I queefed?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
