I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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