dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
