We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Congratulations! We have a period
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