I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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