ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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