I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
